Dear Eva
My heart has never felt bigger.
Whilst I was pregnant with you I never really connected. I was so afraid. I feared your impending birth to the depths of me. I feared life with a new baby and I was uncertain as to how I would react to you. Babies were a very unnerving and unknown territory, for me. Sure enough, the scans showed us, and we got more and more excited as the months went on. But a small part of me does feel that I denied you.
The day you were born, I admit, I was totally numbed. I don’t think you cried; I don’t remember. I was relieved. My fear totally dissipated and that was all that mattered at the time. As I lay alone in the bath afterwards, your Daddy took you. You connected. In a way that is totally different, but totally wonderful. He has not been the same since. You changed him. He will climb Everest for you
Although our initial meeting is, at this point, very vague; it is, now, five months later that really matters. How we have grown. Together. I cannot, and never want to, imagine my life without you. You have touched me deeply. You have forced me to delve into a part of my being that was previously pushed aside for fear. You’ve forever changed me.
My heart has never been bigger
Man, I cringe at 4am when you wake with a high pitched screech. And I cry with frustration at 9pm when you fight for dear life the calmness of sleep. But when I ask ‘Where’s Eva’ in the mirror and you cling to me and squeal with delight, I then know what this is all about. Love. Pure.
My heart has never ever been this big! It feels like it’s going to jump right out of my chest!
Thank you for choosing me as your Mommy; I am honoured. Eva, you give me ‘Life’, you give me meaning. With you, you have brought tremendous joy and hope. I love you more today than yesterday and less today than tomorrow. You ARE the apple of my eye!
My heart, it aches, it’s so big!!
I live, I work and I play. For you. And I shall do it with you until the ends of my days.
“One day the sun will set on my time here and will rise with you” Lion King
Aiden Choles
September 05, 2012
Beautifully written Nats. You’ve captured the change a baby of our brings. It’s a change of heart, and change of mind and in a weird way it is a change of soul.
De Mudder
September 05, 2012
Well put Nats. Only now is it possible to begin to comprehend the meaning of the emotion called “Love” in its purest form. When you would give your life in a second to save hers or take another’s to protect her from harm. It carries on growing and growing… .One can only know it by experiencing it..